SHIZZ IN THE BIZZ

Here’s what you missed on Glee…everything. Well, that’s the situation I am currently in.

I cannot remember when I last watched the hit FOX TV show that swept the nation two years ago, creating a school choir phenomenon. Just a year ago I was so hooked that I found the time to watch the episodes despite my busy schedule. Lately I haven’t even been bothered to take the time to watch any of them, even when I find myself with some free time. I thought it was only me, but I’ve asked around, and the feeling is fairly mutual among many former Gleeks.

The show obnoxiously took over the world when it first debuted in 2009. It brought new meaning to the musical and comedy genre, especially because it was aired on prime time television. While the show was never actually praised for its writing, it had dynamic song and dance routines, cheesy yet compelling plot lines and love octagons, and a really good marketing team.

Everyone became self-proclaimed Gleeks, and the popularity of school choirs jumped. Even those who hated the show were always talking about it so it garnered even more publicity from the non G-leevers.

But now what? I honestly don’t care what happens to Rachel and Finn, Quinn or Puck. They are all horribly daft characters. The only person I care about is trout lips Sam and I don’t even think Chord Overstreet (Yes, that is his real name) is even part of the regular cast anymore.

I was curious to understand why I lost interest so quickly. I haven’t changed all that much in the past year and I am still watching most of the same shows I did before. So I decided to do a little research, especially after I found out that FOX renewed the series for a fourth season.

When typing in the words Glee and Ratings in the Google search bar (yes, this is A+ journalistic research) almost every article that appears contains the words all time low, or shedding viewers, or just simply, drop. According to an article written for The Wrap.com back in December, Glee, at that point in its season, had lost nearly a quarter of its viewers. This is worrying for a show in its third season. More recent articles from the past few weeks have Glee in the red zone as well, steadily declining in viewers each week, often during the hour it is airing.

Now, I know the Neilson ratings system isn’t perfect. It only takes into account certain households, and Canada has no play in it. However, it is amazing how quickly the hype for the show died down. Are we that fickle? Do we give up that easily? In addition to the fact that a lot of the students I know who don’t watch it blame it on their busy schedules, I also think the show’s writing is quite inconsistent, and I feel this plays a large role in why people got bored.

The show was never meant to be a silver screen masterpiece (at least I hope not) but the writing has gotten a lot worse. The episodes are all over the place and I don’t need to be a Cin/Vid/Com student to tell you that the characters themselves aren’t written properly. It’s like they are all suffering from their own type of multiple personality disorder. To cover all that up, the writers throw in random song and dance numbers. Sure, it’s great when they fit the scene and blend in well. It’s awkward as hell when it is squeezed out of a scene, like they are grasping at straws to try to make it work. Oh no, Rachel’s cell phone isn’t working…let’s sing Telephone by Lady Gaga. Slushie to the face? Cut to scene of Mr. Schue being extremely unprofessional and creepy, another scene, oh no, no more tater tots in the cafeteria, better sing a Michael Jackson song. Sometimes I wonder if a group of squirrels write the show.

That aside, the actual cast has benefitted greatly from being a part of this show. Lea Michele, Corey Monteith, Darren Criss and Chris Colfer, to name a few, have all become house hold names, receiving a lot of media attention and singing deals for movies and Broadway shows. In fact, our lovely former Editor-in-Chief and Plant Lurker Dahlia informed me that Colfer’s movie premiered at the Tribeca film festival last week.

Michele starred opposite Ashton Kutcher in the cheese fest that was New Years Eve, and Mark Sailing (Puck) and Matthew Morrison (Mr. Schue) both released albums in the past year. They are pretty horrible to say the least, but hey, at least they actually got to release them. Oh how low the standards have fallen. My point here is even if FOX will ride out Glee and let it die a slow and painful death, instead of doing it the British way and ending the series while it still has some dignity, the cast has reaped the benefits of being on a show which sparked a worldwide phenomenon. Keep riding the wave guys, because the music won’t keep playing forever.

Another important point to make, Darren Criss is possibly the best thing to happen to this show. His talent is indescribable, with his voice, smile and pink ray bans impregnating women all over the globe. This is all according to a fairly reliable source. (Happy Dahlia?)

Written by: Casandra De Masi & Dahlia Belinski

SKANKS

I have a huge secret obsession with Danny Devito and I accidentally yelled out “Danny!” during sex instead of my boyfriends… Now he’s really pissed and thinks I’m cheating on him… What should I do?

-Devito Lover Dear Devito Lover

This sounds like quite a pickle you have yourself in. I can see how your boyfriend could easily misinterpret that for something much worse.. especially because it’s hard to explain you got a thing for the Devito… (seriously? Devito? I’m not one to judge fetishes or anything but that is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard…) All I can really say is try sitting him down and explaining your secret crush and hoping he’s understand. If that doesn’t work then I’m sorry babe but you’re pretty screwed and have to just wait until he cools down and sees the light and that you’re a good faithful girlfriend (I’m assuming.)

My boyfriend gets really jealous when my dog jumps on the bed during sex. Help.

-Frustrated

Oh girl… This is seriously fucked. You need to tell your boyfriend he needs to calm. the fuck. down. It’s a dog. Not another man. Is he off his rocker? In my personal point of view I would run away from that boy as fast as I could. He sounds like a psychopath. If he’s jealous over a DOG then what do you think he’s going to do if another man talks to you when you’re out with your girlfriends? Sounds like way too much trouble for you to deal with. Especially this young in life. I say ditch him and then you and your dog can cuddle all you want in bed. Remember, you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man.

Love and Lube,

The Skank

@twitter, #hatred

Last week, the youngest and most infernal social networking website, which permits its users to communicate virally with up to 140 characters, turned six years old. If you haven’t already guessed which site I’m talking about, #youreanidiot.

I joined the Twitter family about two years ago, and to my expectations, my predictions served me right. Although I’m embarrassed to admit, I fell into the band wagon trap and joined the absurdum because all of my friends were doing it.

I lasted for two weeks, until soon enough; I began to notice its endless amounts of flaw filled fallacies.

Twitter, the most pointless, irrational and unworthy social networking institution, allows its tweeters to virtually express whatever the hell is on their minds at any imaginable hour of the day or night.

I’m not saying that I have no interest for people who tweet about world affairs or societal breakthroughs, but the majority of us don’t give a crap about the double beef patty, cheddar cheese and bacon hamburger you just inhaled, #heartattackonaplatemuch.

And even if tweeters did dedicate their status updates with thoughts pertaining to worldly matters, I would rather just watch the news.  Or better yet, read the newspaper, since those writers actually have the capability of portraying their ideas lucidly.  

Twitter directly encourages terrible grammar. To my frustration, a thought about Barack Obama’s 2009 achieved presidency would be executed as, “@BarackObama – Congratz on making prez! #breakingnews #meninblack #partyintheusa.”

Further, Twitter promotes the exploitation of individuality. The site exhibits an evident “follow the leader” pattern. Tweeters have taken the concept of trending to a whole new level.

These people feel the need to publicize any mundane, media related topic. I’m not saying that each and every broadcasted subject is completely humdrum. But for the most part, tweeters will successfully abuse the famous hash tag by providing hundreds of different variants of the same thing.

Is it really necessary to be seeing tags like #kardashian, #kardashianforlife, #wannabekim, #kardashsisters and #thingslongerthankimsmarriage all trending, every minute on the minute? Or even trending at all per se?

Oh, and did I mention that coincidentally, in order to “friend” someone on Twitter, you are required to “follow” him? #pathetic.

On a serious note however, what’s with the Twitter mascot birds? Are they supposed to represent some sort of concept of freedom? I guess that makes sense, seeing as how tweeters have the liberty to write an entire 140 characters per tweet, the approximate equivalence to a whole two lines of profound thoughts in 12 point Times New Roman font!

As well, the amount of times I’ve heard people complaining about Twitter’s server malfunctions is indescribable. Perhaps Twitter should adopt their ironically peaceful looking fail whale as their new mascot, since it seems to appear so often anyways.

Since I ditched the Twitter scene shortly after I joined it two years ago, my hatred towards the social network has only grown stronger, and will probably incline as I continue to witness my friends’ futility.

#Tweetout tragic tweeters. And to those of you who have actually refrained from joining the absurdity for reasons such as my own, #congratulations.

Written by: Natalie Solomon

COMRADES

Dear Committee for people who Like the Games which make you Hungry,

What the fuck is hunk of crap that has just made Hollywood success? I have seen Mickey Mouse movie with more interesting story. Have you lost sense of taste? Pitting children against themselves is funny to you? I believe that some good old time in soviet labour camp will make you rethink your lust for such barbarian movie.

I remember time when movies were good and told entirely true story like Battleship Potemkin. Now there was movie which would make your proletarian heart sing most proudly. Movie has good values and brought the family together. Days which are these, it is skit skit bang bang and you make the sex with woman. That is not cinematic masterpiece, it is pornography! I know I sound like columnist granny bitch but today’s movies leaves me in state that can only be described as the fuck that is what.

So squirrel hunting katpiss lady volunteers to go slaughter other people which appease the aristocrats in big city to save the sister. Then bitch falls short of fucking other contestant while boy back home is watching. What the fuck is that? This is not movie is as tragic and depressing as movie career of famed American, Hanna Montanas.

The fact that you audience enjoy this says very much about your character. You are blood hungry evil son or daughter of bitches who find joy in children killing themselves. Hope that is fully, you will only live vicariously through persons in books and this will not become some cult classic like the wizard bitch Harry Potter. If so, I am alarmed that many peoples will be running around shooting arrows at each other and slaughtering elementary school children with excuse that they were representative of their districts fighting for the win. On bright side, if population take this seriously there will be no more dungeon and dragon virgins running around hill in Montreal fighting each other during weekend. In order to combat this problem, we will now be sending hunger fans to Siberia so that they may learn to no longer think that such movie is good.

May the odds of not landing in Gulag be ever in your favor.

Yours Sovietly,

 

Commissar Anton Plakov

SHIZZ IN THE BIZZ

Let the March 23-25 box office games begin!

The much anticipated big screen adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games, the first of three books, is set to hit screens across North America on March 23. Predictions and numbers of the film’s gross for the first weekend are already being flung around, with some predicting that the film will take in more than 100 million domestically. Lionsgate, the Vancouver based studio, only made $175.7 million at the domestic box office last year. So, that tells us something. The people over at Lionsgate will have nice, fat Christmas bonuses come December.

The movie itself has an all star line up cast, with younger actors Jennifer Lawrence, Liam the Aussie God Hemsworth and Josh Peeta Bread Hutcherson teaming up with veterans Stanley Tucci and Donald Sutherland. Oh, and Lenny Kravitz. There are a bunch of other people but that’s what Google is for. You also probably stopped at Liam Hemsworth.

The Hunger Games is obviously not the first book-turned-film phenomenon. It seems every couple of years a series is spun out and it garners the attention of the entire world. Audiences everywhere are captivated by the stories, the characters, and a lot of the time they are curious to see if what they imagined in their heads while reading is similar to the way in which the director portrays it on screen.

Needless to say, this is what has happened with the Hunger Games. The story that follows a fallen North American continent ruled over by an authoritarian government that forces its children to fight to the death for entertainment has drawn in audiences of all ages. They are ready to see it all come to life.

So, I am going to see the movie on the opening night with my fellow Planters, and I am beyond excited. However, there are a few things I am not looking forward to. As with these “cult” movies, with the franchise comes the crazed fans and annoying advertising. I understand that it is a huge deal, and that people really get emotionally invested in these types of things, but seriously, there is a line, and people don’t only cross it… they leap frog, hop scotch and double dutch their way over the sucker.

Now I don’t mind the fans who have read the books 10 times and who have watched every Youtube interview. That’s your own choice. The crazed fans that I am talking about are the ones who literally scream at the top of their lungs when the main character appears on screen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Where do you think you are? This is a movie theatre, not some Justin Bieber, One Direction, Cody Simpson getup. Calm it and kindly sit your ass down and watch.

Another thing. If you happen to be in the theatre, please refrain until the end to make comments about how certain parts are not like the book. I cannot stand it when movie goers start gasping like fish out of water every time a scene, a line, or a freaking blink of an eye doesn’t match what was written in the novel. They then proceed to complain and whine to the poor soul that decided to go to the movie with them. It’s an adapted screen play. It won’t be the word for word what is on the pages. Do you want to sit down in a theatre for eight hours? That’s what I thought.

So we can all agree that crazed teenage fans are annoying, but what about the marketing for the movies. TEAM PEETA. TEAM GALE. TEAM PRIM’S GOAT…stop. This isn’t Twilight. It isn’t the greatest piece of literature out there but it has a decent plot, and it goes beyond just the love triangles in the book. I am not sure if the fake rivalries are worse or if they are on the same scale of face plam worthyness as the merchandise is. I haven’t seen too much of it yet, but if it is anything like other franchise films there will be cheesy key chains with quotes from the movie and cheap iron on t-shirts from Wal Mart that start to fall apart after two washes. Because I really want to pay $20 to have a Cyclops Katniss on the front of my shirt. Don’t even get me started on the geniuses who get tattoos…

I know it is early and the movie hasn’t even been released, but I do think it will live up it MY expectations because I am not expecting to have an epiphany at the Scotia Bank theatre anytime soon. People seriously need to calm down and enjoy the movie. Pay attention to the story, the acting, the effects and the way it was filmed. You might realize that you’ll have more to talk about, both good and maybe even bad. At least it will be legitimate criticism and not how you thought Peeta was too ugly for the role.

Whatever, that’s just my opinion. If you want to be a crazed fan girl, go ahead. But I really hope you’re not sitting next to me, because at that point the Hunger Games won’t be restricted to the Capitol’s arena.

Written by: Casandra De Masi

COMRADES

Dear Committee for People Most Concerned with Weather that is hot and other Shit,

So popsicles up North has melted at  a most premier speed and you pretend like you are scared. Yes my dear soviets, the warming that is most global is knocking on your door like the KGB in middle of night.  No matter how warm outside is, you like it. You love it. You run outdoors in the nude hoping to burn your skin so you may look like our Cuban Comrades. As much as all green earth loving hippies are crying that Santa Claus will no more have home, they are running freely without shirt in your Plateau of the mountain which is Royal enjoying most sunny weather. So leave the whining at capitalist home and smile at sun, bitch.

Our dear students are now 200 000 strong and marching in street to fight the oppressive actions from minister of taxing education, Bulldog face Beauchamp. While this happening, Stealing money minister Bachand is selling Great white north to Chinese and throwing in Bob and Doug Mackenzie to sugar up deal. For peoples concerned, yes, Jean Charest is still most obvious assholes in province.

Now for those reading liberal pro-capitalist news, please know that shooting in France is most unfortunate and next time French secretive Services know of Al-Quaida asshole walking in population they should maybe consider arresting his person before. If they are worried about criticism from Arab and Muslim community then they should just tell them that it not as bad as Algeria.

Now concerning matters of your most boring schoolwork, all essays are due soon and by essay I do not mean that you will be handing in you Mexicans bros to most troll worthy teacher. If you are dying under most crippling weight of easy tasks that you have not done yet, do it bitch. Semester is almost over and you can soon spend many drunken night contemplating how you will sleep with girls and when you actually get to it, summer is over.

Yours Sovietly,

Commissar Anton Plakov

COMRADES

Dear Committee for Students of College Dawson who will Vote for Strike,

Now this is more like I have been trying to preach to you. People are now standing up to most bourgeois government and telling THEM to take most tiresome hike. You have mobilized and taken to streets in masses of 30 000 students! Ah this brings back good memories of St Petersburg in 1917, we had weapons and fought for different reason but yours is just as good.

I find it also good that there is opposition for even if I am Political Commissar, I do believe in healthy debate! This is good that all student point of views being represent, even if provincial leaders of our friends in green are Liberal Party lapdogs. Now to my red square friends, your fight is noble but you must never forget that the tyrant government will never let go and you must fight until the last sovie….sorry I mean student.

No matter what is your side (Red or green, Bolshevik or tsarist, student or kisser of assholes), remember that it is most important to exercise your duty as most unionist members of Dawson to go vote. If outcome is no, then too bad and as French separatist chain smoker once said “a la prochaine fois”. If vote is most victorious in strike, then do not go fucking the off at home while you jerk off to most proletarian porno! Come out and take part in the movement that is most important in generation that is not mine but yours!

By that way, if strike no work with government of man who looks like sheep, then you can always vote him and his most liberal party out of power in next election.

Now for question from most admiring fan:

Dear Commissar Plakov, what the fuck?

Commissar’s response to Question: Well dear fan, information has come to Politburo attention and I believe that la gente esta muy loca is the answer you are looking for.

I will from now answer your questions at the end of my letters to you. If you wish to ask what you think is important question, please send to commissarplakov@hotmail.ca

Until next time my dear comrades, please remember that tricks are for the kids and not for silly pro charest rabbit.

Yours Sovietly,

Commissar Anton Plakov

NO!

Many of you, fellow Dawsonites, may have noticed in the past week or so that the issue of a student strike had arisen at our school. Several arguments for and against such a strike have been thrown around, so let us look at the cold facts, which might be hard and unpleasant to hear, but truthful nonetheless.

Today, University tuition fees in Quebec lie at $2168. By the 2016-17 school year, this will have increased to $3793. The fact of the matter is that even with the increase of $325 over five years Quebec will not have reached the national average for tuition fees, which is at $5366 in 2011-12, according to Statistics Canada.

Moreover, there are approximately 450,000 higher education students in Quebec, of which to date fewer than 70 000 are on strike. Therefore, a little over 15% of the students in Quebec are not in school, while another 85% are still attending class.

Furthermore, it should be noted that student strikes have had mitigated success at best in the past. Let us remember that in 2005, some schools’ students penalized themselves by having to retake seven weeks of studies in the short period of four weeks. We must realize that this had an impact on those students’ summer jobs, thus affecting them financially more so than any hike in tuition or reduction in bursaries.

And now, as you expected, comes the bombshell. Indeed, a semester has never been lost to a student strike, but it is utterly reckless and irresponsible to claim that due to this precedent, a canceled semester will not happen. The fact is, the Ministry of Education, Leisure and Sport sent a letter to faculty recommending they continue to give class even though students were on strike.

In the unfortunate event of a strike that would last until May, for example, it is a legitimate possibility that the semester be ultimately canceled, because classes we would have to take back in the summer would then affect the normal scheduling of Fall semester classes.

Finally, as of 2016, students will account for 17% of the funding for their own University studies. 50% of the funding will come from the Government of Québec, 12% from the Government of Canada    and 19% of the funding will come from private industry. Students whom actually attend University will bear a mere 17% of the burden of the cost.

It is time to have individual responsibility, a characteristic that Quebec has been lacking for too long in its citizens. It is easy to hide behind a picket line and cry outrage at an apparent unfair measure coming from an unpopular government. It is much more difficult to act as civilized individuals and take the pill, or use adequate means to show your opinion. One can contact his MNA, or the Minister of Education to make their voice heard.

Shutting down a school for the sake of accessible education: Ironic, much?

Written By:  Dereck Doherty

YES!

With over 65 000 Quebec students currently on a general unlimited strike, Dawson must choose whether they want to joining the fight against tuition fee hikes. Students concerned about increasing university tuition fees gathered enough signatures in a petition asking the DSU for a Special General Assembly (SGA) where students could vote whether or not to strike. The motions presented were for a 1-day strike, a 3-day strike and a 1-week renewable strike.

The issue at stake is the provincial Liberal Government’s plan to increase university tuition fees by 1625$ over the next five years; an increase of approximately 75%. This augmentation is part of a wave of austerity measures being implemented in Québec by the Charest government. The case of post-secondary education is marked by a shift from being publically funded (taxes) towards being funded individually (tuition fees).

Fees are relatively low for Quebec universities, and the reason for that is students in this province have fought for accessible education since the 1960s. We also pay higher taxes in Quebec which is supposed to help fund our social programs. The main point is that the increase of 1625$ over 5 years will block access to students who can’t afford to put themselves through university. Families who are already in debt certainly won’t want to take-on yet another loan. According to the Canadian Federation of Students, the average debt for a student is 27 000$ once they’ve finished university.

The fees aren’t going to help improve universities because as the government raises the fees for students, the government will lower their funding. The fees are a tax on students that goes towards the Quebec Liberal party’s budget which plans to cut funding to social programs while also cutting corporate taxes.

Having an educated workforce can only benefit Quebec as a majority of jobs require a post-secondary education. High tuition fees create economic inequalities because vast layers of society (such as women who still only earn 71 cents/ dollar that men make) tend to have fewer funds to put themselves through university.

For over a year, the Quebec student movement has been fighting against this fee increase. Despite tremendous solidarity among student bodies, the Minister of Education, Line Beauchamp, has declared her unwillingness to negotiate the planned increase. With all other options exhausted, an unlimited general strike has been called. Historically this has been the most successful and powerful tactic of the student movement. Strikes work because they exert economic pressure on the government, who cannot afford to delay or cancel a semester, thus pressuring it to comply. One reason why Quebec tuition fees are among the lowest in Canada is because the Quebec student movement has fought to keep them so since the 1960’s.

Ultimately, the decision belongs to the student body. In choosing to strike we can take a stand, give courage to those who have been picketing for weeks and set the example for many others.

 

Sincerely,

The Dawson Strike Yes Committee.

SHIZZ IN THE BIZZ

It’s happened. The French have taken over…at the Oscars of course.

Hollywood’s best but probably not brightest sat on their butts for four hours and pretended to look grateful once they lost their category at this year’s Academy Awards.

The Oscars are always too long. They could probably be cut in half if it weren’t for all the nonsense and self-indulgent behaviour. But who am I kidding; I watched the whole thing so I suppose I am the real fool here.

Billy Crystal returned as host of the evening, marking his 9^th year scoring the prestigious gig. Nathalie Portman mentioned before the show that everyone was happy he was the host, because they knew he would be “nice” and entertaining. Crystal still managed to make a fat joke and a racist one and no one had a sour face in the audience. I have nothing against Crystal, and think he does a fairly good job with hosting, but Ricky Gervais would be burned at the stake for some of the same jokes. Then again, Gervais is an asshole, and a brilliant one at that.

An awards show like this can grow boring very quickly, but there were many moments during the night that provided entertainment, keeping the crowd sucked in. Emma Stone, who looked brilliant in her red dress, used her funny, awkward shtick while presenting with Ben Stiller. With the help of old Superbad co-star Jonah Hill, it made for a very funny segment.

Will Farrel and Zach Galfienakiss (Galifianakis) presented the awards for music in white suits, walking on stage with large syllables. They were noisy and obnoxious… the best attitude to have when dealing with a stuck up crowd. Seriously, some of them weren’t even impressed with the Cirque du Soleil performance. I’m looking at you emotionless lady friend of George “the silver fox” Clooney.

Angelina Jolie made a complete idiot out of herself on stage, even being mocked by the winner whom she presented the Oscar to for Best Adapted Screenplay. When on stage to present, she for some reason decided to stick out the twig covered in white flesh that she calls a leg all the way to the side through the slit of her basic black gown. She just stood like that, with a ridiculous look on her face. Her usual look because her face never actually seems to move. When Jim Rash accepted the award with his colleagues, he immediately stuck out his leg with Jolie still on stage off to the side. You could see the embarrassment on her face! Also, added plus, for any Community fans out there, Jim Rash plays Dean Pelton. So there is a visual for you! Better watch out Dean, Jolie might send one of her spawns after you.

A lot of the winners were expected, with Hugo and The Artist sweeping up. The Artist won Best Picture, of course. It’s black and white, French, and silent- it has Oscar written all over it. Seriously though, lead actor Jean Dujardin picked up his very own trophy for Best Actor, much to his surprise and content. Meryl Streep won Best Actress for her role in The Iron Lady. She has now been nominated 17 times, and her win marks her third Oscar. I’ve come to the conclusion that she is not human, but an android of some sort.

Octavia Spencer won for Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Help. She wobbled her way onto the stage in shock, and was just adorable giving her speech through tears. She thanked the town of Alabama, which was thoughtful, because without their laws way back when, The Help would not be a book or a movie, and how horrible would that be…

I was honestly so happy that Woody Allen won for Best Original Screenplay for the beauty that is Midnight in Paris. I am not sure why, but that movie has a special place in my heart, even if Owen Wilson and his nasally voice are the main stars.

Something I wasn’t happy with was the apparent absence of a true Hollywood prince, Ryan Gosling. Drive didn’t even win the one thing it was nominated for, but where were you Gosling? Why weren’t you there to cheer on your buddy Clooney or be cute with Emma Stone. It doesn’t matter that she is dating Spider Man, you’re Hercules, you could take him on no problem! For real though, Gosling wasn’t present and Justin Bieber was in the opening montage with Billy Crystal. Why? Just why?

Also, who let the thirteen-year-old loose in the editing room? Somehow, a clip from Twilight made its way into a movie montage with the likes of Titanic, Ghost, and so on. Imagine intently watching the carefully selected clips that are supposed to draw emotion out of the crowd, and suddenly, boom! A foot-faced vampire is gracing my TV screen. No.

In the end, the show was like every other Oscars I have ever watched. Like I said, I don’t know why I bother watching it all the way to the end. I suppose it is my hope for something big to happen. It never does. That sums up my life.

In all seriousness, why wasn’t New Years Eve nominated for anything?

Written By: Casandra De Masi